a woman on the edge

Well, I thought it wasn’t going to be until August, but thankfully i received a phone call to say that they can fit me in on Thursday 12th June. I am feeling a bit apprehensive about it all, but realise it has to be done, I cannot live on soups, yoghurt, fresh juice and banana smoothies forever. Or actually maybe i could, but i would have to stop cooking for my family nothing worse than cooking meals that you cannot eat.

Many thoughts have been circling in my mind over the past few months regarding my difficulty swallowing. Have i created this? Am i imagining the whole thing? Is it more a psychological problem that has developed after choking seriously a few times? What if they find nothing, what do i do then?

It is also having quite a significant physical impact on my body. I originally weighed a healthy 59/60kg, this has now dropped to 50kg and i look really thin. I am cold all the time, have little energy or motivation to do much and am also having trouble focusing on anything really. My hobby business has really been put on hold, and i am re-evaluating everything. This problem seems to have consumed me.

I am also conscious of being this thin and being aware of my daughter and the self image of a healthy body. She has commented to others how “skinny” Mum is. I am constantly reinforcing that it is NOT HEALTHY to be this thin and that I really want to put more weight on. I share with her how being this thin is adversely affects my ability to function and that my energy levels are really low.

Too many thoughts in my head i guess, not long to go now though. I am glad i have a date for surgery and that hopefully after this i will be able to move forward in a more positive direction.

• Leave a comment... (0)

Just because i can, i have changed the look of my blog.

The great thing about computers and wordpress is the ability to alter things relatively easily, the fact that my dh is a web developer does help!!

No guarantees, this is how it will stay, but it’s fresh, easy to navigate and i like the bluebird (for now anyway!)

• Leave a comment... (0)

I whipped this beanie up for Miss Meg in a day.

It is a simple pattern from Jo Sharp Issue 3 (I think?) I used some Jo Sharp Silkroad Ultra, a bulky 12ply, that i had left over (navy colour) and then used two strands of 8ply of Harvest Pure Wool (jade colour).

These happen to be the colours of Meg’s uniform of the school she is now attending part-time, two days each week. The school she is attending is a very small school up in Strathbogie, very cold in Winter so this beanie will be well worn this winter!!

• Leave a comment... (0)

Here is a picture of my daughter Miss Meg (10yrs) and my husbands kids, Miles (10yrs) and Montana (7yrs) working on their creation.

They spent all day outdoors creating this fabulous cubby using some old corrugated iron and wood scraps they could find on the farm. Hubby helped a bit with the initial construction, but they all worked really hard.

Here it is finished.

Now they are waiting for rain to see if it will provide them with some shelter?

They are also harrassing me for some old blankets and sheets to use for curtains and bedding (I think they have plans to move out there perhaps?)

• Leave a comment... (0)

Well i had my first go at dyeing with landscape dyes. These are acidic dyes and more colour-fast than using food dyes i presume? After reading a bit about dyeing methods, i decided to opt for the Kettle dye option.

My first attempt was with using three colours and quite a bit of water, too much i think as the dye travelled throughout the pot and did not give much colour variation, more a solid colour with a bit of shading.

So i tried again. This time putting the wet wool in the pot, adding the individual dyes and then just slowly adding water, just enough to ensure the wool could be heated and a temperature maintained for a 30minute duration. Here it is cooking away….

Then the rinse and final wash step…

I am not completely sure that i did everything “right” but i am really happy with how it turned out.

Here is the final result…..

• Leave a comment... (0)